I'm tired

This isn't going to be a very light, easygoing post. Can't be. I'm not in that place in my life today.

In fact, I'm feeling like I've gotten the fuzzy end of the lolly pop. Again.

I'm hormonal, moody, easy to weep, quick to yell, and just generally bent out of shape. If you give me ten minutes I'm sure you might just see all these things. It is that kind of day.

I shouldn't complain. I should be counting my blessings. There are plenty to count. Good health, a loving and faithful husband, three beautiful and intelligent children, a beautiful and comfortable home, an abundance of food, enough clothes to cover us and keep us warm and dry in this changeable season, and the list goes on and on.

Today, however, my heart isn't dwelling on those things. I'm distracted, despondent, discouraged and downright cranky.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of the endless drudgery of my life: constant meal planning (and the arguments that go with it), the constant buildup of dirty dishes in the sink, the magically regenerating piles of laundry that need washing, drying, fluffing, folding, and putting away.

I'm tired of the daily grind: the same squabbles, the same glares, threats, promises, repetitions of rules, reminders of chores. I'm tired of having the same discussions and arguments with my husband.

I'm tired of fighting the never ending battle to potty train my son who will soon turn 4. I'm tired of the questions about our progress. I'm tired of the half-smile answer I am forced to give. I'm tired of the looks we get when people notice my tall, 48 pound 3 year old wearing a diaper. I'm tired of having to buy disposable incontinence pants in place of regular diapers or pull-ups because my child has outgrown the standard sizes. I'm tired of being greeted with "He pooped today" when I pick up my child, and feeling like crap because that is completely out of my control.

I'm tired of thinking that there is more than a significant speech and language delay that is effecting my son and his whole life. I'm tired of not attending activities or trying to explain the difficult and draining nature of my lovable and challenging child.

I'm tired of being scattered in my thoughts, fragmented in my actions, and cluttered all around.

I'm tired of just being "a mom". It is the job which currently defines me. I'm tired of feeling like "less" when I answer the question, "So, what do you do?" and have to form a simple, yet insufficient answer that doesn't even come close to really expressing what I "do", let alone who I am, what I am.

I'm tired of constantly feeling broke, even when we are, at least on paper, "doing well financially". I'm tired of thinking, rethinking and deferring purchases. I'm tired of writing the checks and setting bills to pay as soon as the paycheck hits the bank, and then hoping and praying that nothing unexpected happens that will require money we don't have. I'm tired of worrying about money, our retirement, our children's future and today's bills.

I'm tired of feeling as if we have no friends. I'm tired of not having a BFF. I'm tired of feeling as if my life is void of fun and spontaneity. I'm tired of only feeling connected if I'm reading blogs, emails, or on Facebook.

I'm tired having to balance family obligations with personal goals. I'm tired of feeling like I'm doggy paddling in my life while others are actually winning their races.

I'm tired of thinking about every single morsel of food that I pick up, eat, or pass by. I'm tired of being "plus sized" and treated with discrimination, disdain, and rudeness. I'm tired of being judged based on my waistline instead of my intellect, sensitivity to others or contributions to society.

I'm tired of picking up the same three pillows, blankets, shoes, and towels off the floor.

I'm tired of white walls.

I'm tired of the rain, ant hills in my yard, mud on the playground.

Mentally, spiritually, physically I'm just tired.

I'm so considering this for somewhere in my house!!!

Inspiration comes from all over. And I stumbled across this one in a blog. Funny thing... this girl is local! Go figure!

Our First Home: Dining Room Wall Treatment

I have a problem

Sometimes it is very reassuring to know that other people are facing the very same struggles you are, or have faced them and successfully navigated the landmines and snares to share their thoughts wisdom and tips and tricks.

This post is one of those times. WE have a similar situation brewing here. And it is almost as if I have a crystal ball that can see the future of this little girl. You know the ones...who will be sneaking out and entreating my children to go with her to the "best party in town", or get pierced or tattooed, or ...well you get the picture. It is the kind of child you start praying for now, because deep in your heart you just feel that she will be young and pregnant, and completely ill-equipped to raise a child and will likely not have the family support needed to make an already tough situation less challenging.

How would you handle it? How did you or your parents handle situations like this?

Quick Fix

Sometimes brilliant ideas come along and prove to be a very quick fix for a situation.

Our problem? Builder's grade lighting in our kitchen. Sufficient...most of the time, yet lackluster in design.

Solution? Over cabinet lighting.

Quick fix? Christmas lights. I happened to be watching DIY Network and this guy who was renovating his kitchen on a very tight budget decided to use Christmas lights on top of his cabinet for a designer lighting look. Brilliant. And guess who just happened to have not 1 but 2 boxes of white Christmas lights lurking in her closet? Moi.

Check it out:

BEFORE

That odd corner of light on the ceiling is thanks to a funky gap where there isn't any cabinet or, well, anything. The little lamp in that corner on the counter top shines up straight through that gap.

AFTER

Notice the soft glow over the cabinets. Imagine what that will look like when we get the kitchen painted red! (When we have time and no little helpers!)

Now if I could just figure out how to use the remaining strings of lights I have for UNDER CABINET lighting without seeing all the green wires or the funky lights hanging down at odd angles...particularly noticeable when seated at the dining room table. ~sigh~ I might have to shelve that idea for a while until I can work out the glitches.

Growing Pains

For quite a while now we have been talking about upgrading our table. Not because the table wasn't functioning well. Not because the style didn't suit us. But because we were literally outgrowing it.

Our dining room table, the only table we own for dining purposes, only sat six people. It is a round table that has two small leaves. We have had the leaves in for years. In recent days one of the children was heard telling someone, family if I remember correctly, that we only had room for one more person at our table. Oy!

Family had come into town last weekend, and that coincided with Third Monday Trade Days. We have gone occasionally, and we have taken family along more than once. This time it was us, the kids, and the family that was in town. Divide and conquer was the game plan for the kids...a plan I heartily approve of whenever it is available to me. All this is to say that it was hot, we didn't get even half way through the vendors, and complaints of starvation were mounting from the under 8 crowd. Luckily for me, I suggested that I stay with our friend who had come out to join us at Trade Days and finish seeing the vendors, then we would come home for dinner. I bid the family a fond farewell, and squelched my overwhelming desire to jump up and down with glee. Okay, I might have jumped. And squealed. A bit.

Catherine and I headed on our way, checking into stalls that interested us, chatting, commenting on the pure tackiness of some of the offerings. We didn't get very far before we stumbled across a stall that had a lovely assortment of furniture spilling out into the walkway. My kind of place! After a look see, some talk among ourselves, I spoke to the dealer. A lovely woman. In our brief conversation one thing lead to another and it came up that we were looking for a table. A table large enough to seat 8-10 people. The dealer, Caron, inquired further, specifically as to my style, and furnishings. "Country Modern" I told her. And her face lit up.

As it turned out, they had acquired a table not too long ago that sounded exactly like what I was describing. She gave me details, and then let me know that she was going to be moving the table, and she would be willing to drive it to me to see. Also she wouldn't have to charge me tax, and wouldn't have to adjust for commission since it wasn't in a shop. Catherine and I looked at each other, unbelieving of what was unfolding. So I did what any girl who has been shopping for a large table does...

"How much are you asking for it?", I say.

"$275," she answers. I swear the earth shook a little.

This girl was stunned. It was a great price if it even came close to what she had described to me. I got her card, and let her know that I would talk it over with my husband.

Of course, that was out of courtesy to her, and out of courtesy to my husband. I was completely ready to say "SOLD!" (Okay, maybe not really. But I was eager to get a look at the table.)

So yesterday she calls and talks to Jason. Where she was picking up the table was close to his office, so he had her swing by the office. If it passed muster he would let me know, and send Caron along for my final approval, and to purchase if I saw fit.

Caron arrived around dinner time. You know, when the wildebeests are at their finest. I step out and take a look at the table. Which was exactly as I envisioned. I seal the deal, and head back into the house to clear a spot for the table, and wrangle our youngest wildebeest who has a penchant for escapism and running outside to find adventures or filch rocks from the neighbor's landscaping. As I'm doing this Caron lets me know that my neighbor, Walter (WALTER?!?) has graciously offered to help bring the table in. Caron's partner and Walter bring in the table, I keep a very tight grip on my writhing youngest child intently plotting his escape from my grasp and the freedom of the out-of-doors, Maddie snoozes away upstairs (I had put her in time out, and I guess she was a bit tired) and Duncan plays "UP" on the Wii.

Then Caron and I stand there for a moment. Agape. The table matches our chairs. And the tone of the wood matches the wood tones in the majority of our furniture. We couldn't have planned this better if we had tried!!! I'm happy, and so are Caron and her partner. And all this came about because I took a minute to talk to her, and she took a second to ask the right questions.

Divinity abound in all things. And this is my most recent example of God's providential hand being on the workings of my life. I don't believe that it was random that the events of that day worked out as they did. Nor do I believe that it is a fluke that the table is what we were looking for and is such a good match. And for Walter, the neighbor? I have seen him before. But I haven't met him. He is truly representative of the majority of people who surround me in this neighborhood. It reaffirms one of the reasons that we moved from our old neighborhood. (That would have never happened there!)

I know you are dying to see pictures. Aren't you?


The oval table is our old table. They are pushed together to compare sizes. The oval table has both leaves in it. The new table has 2 additional leaves that ARE NOT in the table in this picture. Without leaves the new table is bigger than our old table!!!!


This is a shot of the table with our chairs around it. It was as if they were made for each other!


Here is the table with both leaves in, and most of our chairs in place to show its full size. It can seat 10 easily. We only have 6 chairs like the ones in the picture. We have 4 additional chairs that have the same rounded back as those pictured, but actually go with a small drop leaf table my dad made me years ago. In total, we have 10 chairs! What you probably cannot tell from this picture is that the really pretty furniture along the back wall will have to be moved, as there is only about 6-8 inches between it and the table with the leaves in, and the reddish thing in the bottom right corner is the recliner that might have to be moved a bit to accommodate the table with leaves in. Score!